“Eh, fuck it”: Montreal F1 driver takes an Uber
MONTREAL, QUEBEC – The annual Montreal Grand Prix has arrived, but one championship-winning Formula One driver decided to forego the traditional lavish displays of the competition and enter…
A Father’s Day gift he’ll never forget: 7 grams of shrooms
HAMILTON, ON – In a growing trend, some Canadian dads won’t be receiving a traditional Father’s Day gift this year. Instead of tools, flannel, or mid-tier barbecue accessories, they’ll be getting…
McGill says it’s cool if Harvard crashes on their couch until things calm down at home
MONTREAL – McGill University has proposed a temporary living arrangement to Harvard University, allowing the US school to crash on McGill’s couch until such time as things are less crazy at…
Carney invites The Mayor from Jaws to G7
“Our trade partnership Amity Island is simply too important.” Luke and the Panel (Nile Seguin, Ian MacIntyre and Clare Blackwood) talk about the ICE protests and Donald Trump turning …
Federal government opens distress hotline for Canadians forced to cheer for Oilers
OTTAWA – A new federal mental health initiative has seen the opening of a 24/7 distress hotline that will provide emergency support for Canadians who have been forced to cheer for the Oiler…
Minister of International Trade says Canada should apply for EU membership: “Canada is only 19km from France.”
OTTAWA – Minister of International Trade Maninder Sidhu has said Canada should pursue European Union membership as part of the government’s plan to diversify trade away from the United Stat…
Carney invites Mohammed bin Salman to G7, warns Air Canada will make him check bone saw
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Mark Carney has invited Saudi Arabian Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman to this summer’s G7 summit in Kananaskis, Alberta, but warned the autocratic monarch tha…
Inventive refs develop new way to help Panthers win beyond the favourable whistle
Sunrise, FL – In a landmark win for referee science, the team of Wes McCauley and Francis Charron have come up with a new way to help the Panthers win: physically blocking Oilers players in…
Carney fights off harsh U.S. authoritarianism with slightly gentler Canadian authoritarianism
OTTAWA — As Americans face the horror of U.S. troops being deployed to American cities on the orders of President Donald Trump to break up peaceful protests, the Canadian government under Prime M…
Pickleball popularity slips with gay seniors “The whole name is misleading”
PORT COLBORNE, ON — Large numbers of gay seniors initially drawn to popular racquet sport pickleball are abandoning the game after realizing it has nothing to do with male genitalia. “We may be g…
